Okay, wow, its been a few months since I have "blogged". I told you in the 1st blog this is going to be hard for me. Everyday I think, "man I have to blog about this", but by time I have the time to blog, its the only time I have with my hubby.. so I choose him.
Anyway yesterday my oldest, Brendyn, turned 3! Insane! Thats the first thing that keeps coming to my mind when I say he is 3. This time 3 years ago he wasnt even a day old and the whole world was so new to him and being a mommy was so new to me. I had changed maybe 10 diapers at this point for him, not knowing I was going to change about 10,000 more before he was potty trained :) The sleep I got at the hospital was probably the last night I ever got to sleep 3 hours straight (no lie). Sitting there looking at him the 1st day, just thinking to myself I cant believe how little you are, how sweet you are, you look just like your daddy and he still does. I was so proud, I am still so proud of him. Now today, 3 years later, I am looking at him thinking how big he is, seeing all the things he does for himself, wishing he would just slow down. I know he is just 3 but to me I feel like anyday now he will be driving and will find a girl and get married and leave me! Jesse tells me all the time, Chill out, he is just 3! We have a long time before we have to think about that. No we dont, because I remember when he told me to quit worrying about school and that it is forever away, but now we have open house for preschool in april! Open house for my sweet little boy, my little 10 pounds 6 oz baby boy that slept in my arms for hours! I know they have to grow up, thats a part of life, but this is a part of life that I am finding very hard. We always say I cant wait for them to crawl, walk, and talk, but once they do, its like what were we thinking!!! They needed us then and they dont need me as much now. Dont get me wrong, I do enjoy everyday how both of my children wake up and view the world. Its new to them everyday, the things they learn, they hear and they see are sometimes for the 1st time ever and it completley amazes them. To be able to view the world from their eyes again would be great. I do love the conversations Brendyn and I have everyday, he is so grown up. I mean, he can tell me where I put something last! Which if you know me I have the worst memory ever and to have someone help me find these things, makes my life alot easier. When I get dressed or brush my hair, Brendyn will tell me I am so "handsome" and then give me that sweet bear hug and kiss. I guess if I never let him grow up I would never get to experience all these things he has shown me, I know we are the parents and supposed to be the teachers but honestly Brendyn and BreeAhna have taught me more about myself and have given me the confidence that I never could have imagined. This is really hard for me, as a mother, to watch my babies grow older, but I do look forward to all the new things and the ball games and all the school functions. As long as they stay my babies and need me for whatever it may be, I will be fine. Because they can be 50 but I will still think of them as my little babies. Always.
I truly could go on and on on this subject but I have vented enough, I guess "blogging" is like your own little journal, write the things down to get off of your chest so you can breath a little easier.
Just wait until he starts school!!!! (tear)
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